You Know I Believe In Love
by uragaaru
Summary: A set of short works exploring lighthearted elements of the Ranma universe. No real continuity. Sexually suggestive fluff. Genders and sexualities are fluid. UPDATE(3/29/2013):#2 Now You're a Man!: Konatsu tries to learn what it means to be a real man. He turns to the male population of Furinkan for advice. It goes about as well as can be expected.
1. 1: It's Good to Know

_When you're in love_  
_You know you're in love_  
_No matter what you try to do_  
_You might as well resign yourself_  
_To what you're going through_  
_If you're a hard man or if you're a child_  
_It still might get to you_  
_Don't kid yourself you've seen it all before_  
_A million mouths have said that too_

-The Human League

#1: "It's Good to Know"

Ranma Saotome landed on the streets of Shibuya with a thump. These days, his preferred form of roof hopping involved the tall sky scrapers of central Tokyo. It had taken about 10 years of living, but his life was in something of a comfortable balance. He had actually gotten into and graduated college (after discovering the existence of Nippon Sport Science University), had married Akane after graduation, opened the dojo in Nerima, had two rambuctuous children (technically Akane only had the first. The second involved certain extenuating circumstances), and received Master status from Happosai, who began training Ranma in earnest (though admittedly the price for doing so was having to train in female form, usually wearing frilly lingerie under her gi).

Sundays, however, were something of a free day. Kasumi and Tofu would come with her children and set up a play date with the kids or Nodoka would come and spoil the grandchildren while Genma and Soun would busy themselves as they had since, seemingly, time eternal, drinking and shogi. This meant that Ranma and Akane would have a free moment to themselves. Sometimes they used the time to hang out with each other and do some of the things young couples do that, because of the messes present in their adolescence, they never had the chance to do, such as take the train to Chiba and go to Disneyworld or go on a day-trip to a hot springs. Other times they would spend the day at their own leisure, usually with Ranma running off to challenge dojos, or go see the Tokyo Giants with Mousse and Ukyo and Akane going shopping with her sisters or watching a J-League soccer game with Ryouga and Shampoo.

Today though, they decided to spend the time doing a little bit of both. Ranma, Akane, and Nabiki agreed to meet up in Shibuya that afternoon to go shopping, though Ranma decided on getting there from Nerima by going on a 'free-run'. He had gotten the idea from watching a television show on French parkour kids and, seeing what relatively untrained people could do, wanted to see if he could take it up a notch.

This led to a fairly ambitious run, though parking garages, along subway tracks, and, of course, roof hopping along the skyscrapers that buffeted the Yamanote Line jumping back and forth until he reached central Shibuya. He almost spooked the soccer game that was happening on the roof of the Toykyu Toyoko West Department Store when he landed on the center of the pitch and bounded off again, jumping over the gigantic crosswalk on Inokashira Dori, landing on the Tsutaya Building and finally jumping onto the roof of Tower Records and, with a small flip, landing on the street below, using various architectural features to slow his descent while using as little ki as possible.

Ranma looked at his phone and smiled. It was 12:37 which meant he had about 20 minutes to kill before he was supposed to meet up with Nabiki and Akane. They had left at about the same time, but took the train since, while Akane was no slouch and could probably come close to keeping up with ther husband, Nabiki was not inclined to spend her time running across three wards of Tokyo to go shopping.

Ranma wandered about looking for a convenience store, eventually finding a Lawson just a few blocks away from the station. He wandered in and and picked up a liter bottle of water and, one of his newest obsessions, a novelty beverage. He wasn't exactly proud of it, but he liked the funky packaging and, as long as it wasn't too cutesy, he would buy it in his guy form. Looking at the various refrigerated shelves he found nothing of interest. He almost went with his go-to Pocari Sweat when he saw his picture on a bottle.

More accurately he saw a cartoonish doodle of himself as a girl, smiling and holding a giant strawberry on her index finger. The drawing was just an outline, which displayed the dark pink beverage inside. He looked at the name of the Beverage and almost dropped the bottle of water he was holding.

_JuiceSenkyo!_

_Fruit Flavor with the Power to Transform your Thirst!_

_Ranma-Chan Flavor_

_(Strawberry Lemonade)_

Ranma looked at the nearby bottle, seeing similar packaging which cute drawings of cats, ducks, pigs, and pandas. Picking up a bottle of the yellow beverage, labeled 'P-chan Blackberry Lemonade', he read the back information.

_Distributed by_

_Okomomi Foods, Inc._

_A Division of_

_New Jiezu Industries_

_Xining, China_

_Bottled in Osaka_

Twitching, he bought the bottle of Strawberry Lemonade and began slowly walking back towards their arranged meeting spot, the Seibu Shibuya Department Store. Ranma took a large swig of the bottle of water, drinking about half of it before stopping and pouring the remainder of the contents on himself, wondering what sort of indignities they'd be asking him to try on, particularly his sister-in law, who had gone from simple Ice Queen to practically a corporate dominatrix. He felt a twinge of pity for the poor employees who worked for her.

Slowly sipping the other beverage, Ranma shook her head dry and stretched outside of the department store until she saw her wife and sister-in law approach.

Ranma ran up to her wife and the couple gave each other a light hug and kiss as Nabiki watched, smirking.

"Jeez you kids, it's been what, an hour and a half? Save it for when Ranma-chan here comes back from a training trip."

"Yeah Yeah, Biki-chan. I can't be happy ta see my own wife now?"

"I'm just jerking your chain, kid," Nabiki said, smiling and scruffing the hair of the currently shorter martial artist, mostly because this was her only chance to physically mess with her sister's spouse.

"Hey! Quit that!" Ranma said, pouting slightly before remembering the bottle in her hand, "Oh yeah! Nabiki!" her tone became irate as as she pushed the bottle towards her sister-in law's face, "Ya wanna explain what the hell I'm doin' on a bottle of fruit-flavored swill?"

Nabiki's eyes widened, "You _have_ changed. In high school, you wouldn't have been caught dead buying something that pink. Not without a full 'girly-girl' getup, anyway."

Ranma shrugged, "What can I tell ya? You grow up, have kids, that kinda crap don't seem so important anymore. Quit dodgin' the question! What the hell is this 'JuiceSenkyo' crap?"

Nabiki smiled and put a hand on her shoulder, shaking her head solemnly, "Ranma, Ranma, Ranma. Don't you remember? That contract you signed?"

"I don't remember any contract that I- eep!" Ranma put a hand to her mouth, her eyes wide in shock.

"You-eep?" Akane asked.

Ranma shrank behind Akane as she spoke to her sister-in-law, "You don't mean that one from that one time. In college where..."

Nabiki gave a thin smile and nodded, "That's exactly the one I mean, Ranma-chan."

Ranma felt dizzy for a second, her head swimming as the memories returned. Akane for her part kept alternating glances between the tiny red-haired woman she was married to and the tall brown-haired woman who was her closest family relation.

"What the hell is this all about, Nabiki?" Akane asked, concern growing into annoyance.

Nabiki shrugged, "Ask her, I just capitalized on a marvelous business opportunity."

"Oh, um... uh..." Ranma was visibly sweating now, particular as Akane turned to see her husband cowering.

"Ranma..." Akane said in a quiet, low tone. The last decade had mellowed her anger out or, rather, the way she expressed it. These days, rather than explosive outbursts of rage usually accompanied with fists or conveniently placed blunt objects, she spoke in low, guttural tones when upset. Ranma knew this was one of those times.

Ranma thought fast, flipping through her father's playbook for these sorts of situations and throwing it away in disgust when she realized that, one, this was a situation her father had never come up against and two, most of his go-to solutions were _completely idiotic_. The red haired woman sighed and looked up to her wife.

"Akane... it was back in college, before we got married, but after we..." Ranma looked around, nervous, then stood up on her tiptoes and whispered in Akane's ears, "...together... other way... packet".

Akane blushed and said, "Oh! Okay."

"Yeah, 'bout a month after that, I got blitzed at that one party Nabiki had at her place. I think you had a term paper or somethin' so you couldn't go? Well I got wasted. Like_ really_ wasted. Somehow, I got beer or punch or something spilled on me.

"Ah yes. The good old days where cheap beer and grain alcohol infused fruit juice were high living. Well for the proles we invited, I suppose it was. I had champagne cocktails with Tatchi."

Akane nodded, "Oh, that's right! You were dating Kuno then... was that right before you broke up?"

"That's right. We had a... 'disagreement' involving your husband here."

"What kind of disagreement?" Akane asked flatly as she looked at the two, lining up the evidence in her head.

"Um.. Like I said I was blitzed. I woke up at like two in the mornin' I didn't even realize where I was and there was this... jeez this is embarrassin', but... ya know when we did uh, 'that thing' the first time, I told ya you looked a bit like Kuno?"

"Yes, but..." Akane's eyes widened and her jaw dropped, "you didn't!"

"I thought he was you. I'm sorry, Akane. I, uh... saw him, pulled him down, and gave him the biggest kiss, thinkin' I was kissin' you. It, uh, kinda went downhill from there."

Nabiki clarified, her mouth curled up in impish glee, "Well, as _I _recall, it went better than that, Saotome. Mostly because _you_ woke me up, you banshee. I wasn't too happy seeing you screw my boyfriend, even if you thought he was your girlfriend."

Ranma winced. The event was traumatic for several reasons. One was the obvious having slept with someone other than Akane. Another was the fact that the person in question was another guy, even if he bore an uncanny resemblance to his fiancée after a bath in Instant Nanniichuan. Finally, was the fact that the event had, along with the previous 'maneuvers' with Akane, broken whatever pretense Ranma had about the curse having had no effect on him.

While it was true that the curse didn't magically do anything to Ranma's psyche, the martial artist had slowly admitted to himself that the ability to change perspectives had warped almost every belief system held up to him as 'normal' and 'the way things were'. He had an inkling of this understanding as early as the ice skating incident when he utilized the curse, first to avoid embarrassment as a guy who couldn't skate and, later to beat the living daylights out of the man who forcibly stole her first kiss. But it wasn't until after high school, when he had settled into a steady relationship with Akane, that Ranma began to admit that he was more than the dogma espoused by his parents wanted him to be. The experimentation with Instant Naniichuan had merely pushed the bar further until that fateful night that was now being discussed in the open air.

Either way, she did not want to remember the aftermath of the event, especially after waking to realize it was not a Tendo she had spent the night with, but a Kuno. After screaming and beating the dope to within an inch of his life, she signed the secrecy contracts Nabiki conveniently had drawn up while still nursing a hangover.

Ranma had wanted to ask Nabiki what was in the contract, but her mind re-focused to the present situation realizing Akane hadn't said anything and made any indication in her expression that she had parsed what was told.

He noted, trying to end the trip down memory lane, "And that's why I stop at two scotches now."

Akane pointed a finger to interject "So wait... you mean Kuno... and you..."

Ranma nodded solemnly.

Akane was silent. She had not even opened her mouth. Ranma was worried as she saw her wife's face turn red, looking for all the world like a volcano about to erupt. Ranma winced, remembering the olden days of rage-induced beatdowns.

The volcano that was Akane Saotome erupted, though in a far different manner than expected.

Ranma and Nabiki blinked as they saw the woman roll on the ground laughing hysterically, holding her sides in a desperate attempt to control herself.

"Hahaha! Kuno and! Ku-! Hahaha! H-he got his... Hahaha! He got his pig-tailed girl, after all! Oh jeez!"

The laughter suddenly stopped as she sprung in front of Ranma, quickly saying, "don't think this doesn't mean I'm not mad at you, girl!"

Ranma gulped and stood stock still.

Akane asked, in a level tone borne from curiosity, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Ranma looked down, "'cause... I was embarrassed. It's easily one of the dumbest things I ever did. Plus... come on, it was Kuno for cryin' out loud!"

Akane touched her husband's delicate jaw and lifted it up to look at her in the eyes.

"Ranma, I'm disappointed to hear that you didn't trust me enough to tell me when it happened. But... it seems like you paid for your stupidity, as usual."

"Yeah... sorry, 'kane," Ranma replied, looking down and away.

Akane let go and wiped her hands clean, "Well that's all in the past. I forgive you dear, provided you let me purchase a few goods as... payback."

Ranma raised an eyebrow, "You already control the checkbook. Go hog-wild on whatever crazy outfit or whatever you're planning for yourself or the kids."

Akane shook her head as a mischievous look appeared, "Oh, I think you misunderstand what I mean by 'payback'."

The taller Saotome grabbed the shorter one's arm and, Nabiki following, they resumed walking towards the large department store.

Ranma sighed in both relief and trepidation when she stopped and jerked her head back.

"Wait wait wait!" she said raising her hands wildly, "I didn't even get my answer! What am I doin' on a bottle of lemonade?"

Nabiki looked her nose down at Ranma, replying, "I was wondering when you would remember, Ranma-chan. Well that contract you signed stipulates that I own all rights to your image on any non-martial arts related goods and paraphernalia."

"Huh?"

"It means that I own the right to put your face on anything from shoe polish to sex toys, as long as it isn't martial arts related. I figured you'd be franchising the Dojo before long so I wasn't going to enter that market, anyways. Frankly, I've just been using your cursed form since she's more marketable."

"So you've been making money off of my looks since college? I guess that ain't too different from high school."

"Well, I also felt a bit sorry for you. So I added a clause that offers you a 10% royalty for any licensing agreements we came up with."

"And where is that 10%?" Akane asked.

"I figured you two would want to start early on paying Yuriko and Ryuuji's college tuition. It's in a farily stable mutual fund. Pretty decent interest rate, all told."

Ranma looked unsure, but slowly nodded, "Well... I guess that's all right, but... Okonomi Foods? New Jiezu Industries? I take it you and Ucchan and the Old Ghoul have been up to something?"

"Oh, _that_ old negotiation? I hardly remember whose cockamamie idea that was at this point. I'm surprised you just noticed Saotome. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm surprised yor kids haven't asked why you're on half of their snacks."

Ranma blinked, "Wait, it's more than these JuiceSenKyo deals?"

Nabiki narrowed her eyes, "... you don't pay attention to whatever garbage you're shoveling down your mouth between meals do you?"

Ranma rubbed the back of her head dumbly, "Well I, uh... no. "

"Oh for the love of-! You're worse than a child!" Akane exclaimed.

"Hey, I cut back! 'specially since you finally figured out how to cook stuff other than curry and rice."

Akane rolled her eyes, "Nabiki, why did I marry this idiot?"

Nabiki donned an uncharacteristic smirk, "At your bachelorette party, I recall something about 'staying power', 'girth', and 'being the only boy who knows where the G-spot is'... Oh! And the whole 'saved your life multiple times, is honorable to a fault, and loves you to death' thing. No reason, really."

Ranma sighed, "this is why I _love_ goin' shopping with you guys."

Akane grabbed the red-haired woman's arm. As they finally enetered the mall, she said, "Come on Ranma, You still have to pay for your stupidity."

That evening, after the children were asleep, Ranma Saotome, Master of Anything Goes Martial Arts was facing yet another challenge. This challenge presented unique challenges, such as a shift in terrain from the Dojo to the Master bedroom and in garb, from the typical kung-fu clothing to the 'present' Akane had purchased earlier that day.

The currently feminine martial artist sighed. She idly wished she was as inebriated as she had been on that fateful night in college. "Still," she admitted to herself, "The lingerie's a nice enough color, not too frou-frou, and 'kane was nice enough not ta make me wear a thong... but I don't get what she wants me ta do. Hopefully not run up and down the neighborhood, like she made Ryouga do when she finally figured out pig boy was P-chan. At least I'm clothed, kinda."

Lost in her reverie, she did not hear her wife approach until the door flug open suddenly. Ranma blinked her eyes, unsure if the presence in front of her was not the result of accumulated brain damage.

"A...Akane?"

The tall, brown-haired man, clad in dark blue hakama and a keikogi, left open to expose a sculpted chest. His face was chisled and warm, the only thing disrupting the portrayal of Japanese manhood was a pair of diamond stud earrings. He pointed a wooden booken at Ranma and cried, "Nay, honorable pigtailed girl, 'tis I, Tatewaki Tendo! I have arrived to exact the countenance you warrant so richly."

"Uh-wha-huh" Ranma articulately replied.

The errant kendoist bopped Ranma in the head with the bokken and said, in an effeminate tenor, "jeez, just play along, dummy."

Ranma's left eye twitched as she began wondering if the malletings had been so bad after all.

Melting into her masculine wife's embrace, Ranma quipped, "I can't believe you used to run around calling me a pervert."

"Shut up and kiss me, idiot," was all that Akane said before reaching down to kiss his husband's lips.

* * *

Don't mind me. This is not _at all _representative of my other works. Merely a chance to dabble in fluff and somewhat sexualized situations. This merits no discussion of characterization, motivation and canon/non-canon behavior. The Juicesenkyo bit came to me while trying to wake up one morning and I liked that the pun works in Japanese (I can imagine, in some stylized font _ジュース泉郷!_). The who story about college just emerged as I was trying to write dialogue between Ranma and Nabiki.

Okay, I have a large headache and will be going to bed. Real stories will be finished soon. I'm too exhausted to settle on timetable anymore.

～裏には裏がある


	2. 2: Now You're a Man!

_"What makes a man, is it the woman in his arms?  
just cause she has big titties?  
or is it the way, he fights every day?  
No, it's probably the titties."_

-DVDA

#2: "Now You're a Man!"

It was the end of a typical Saturday night at Okonomiyaki Ucchan's as Konatsu brought in the signs from outside and closed the front door.

It was a taxing, but fulfilling line of work Konatsu found himself in. While he hadn't quite grasped the financial aspects of the profession, he enjoyed working with people and his hands. He liked speaking with customers, flashing a smile and making their day special while the woman he loved from afar practiced her art at her stage. It was more than he had ever hoped back when he was little more than a slave to his stepmother and stepsisters, but still... there was something missing in his life he concluded as he put away the last of the plates and glasses, still warm from the commercial sanitizer, and walked upstairs to his room.

"Oh, Ukyou..." Konatsu sighed as he put his hair down, brushing the long brown hair gently, but methodically as he looked at himself in the mirror. Konatsu understood he looked like what most people imagine an Edo-Period maiden to be. However he was used to it, it was how he grew up and, frankly he liked it. There was something about being pretty that felt right. Like he just wouldn't be himself otherwise. He know that most of the clientele didn't realize he was a man, but the regulars who did know didn't seem to mind and were always friendly.

Konatsu sighed to himself as he put his hair up in a simple ponytail. He changed clothes from a purple cotton kimono to an indigo yukata, sighing as he took off and hung the pepper bombs he armed himself with. Sure, it was a necessary precaution as far as he was concerned, and it filled out the kimono, but his back always hurt after carrying them during a long day.

Konatsu was laying out his futon when he heard a plaintive sigh from the room next door. Cocking his head to one side, he quietly slipped out of his room. Konatsu slid along the wall until he was just outside Ukyou's room. He closed his eyes, not wanting to peek, but also focusing on his hearing, particularly for any would-be intruders.

Konatsu heard Ukyou sigh again, "Oh, why can't a_ real man_ come and sweep me off my feet? He's so..." Ukyou sighed happily once more before biting into a rice cracker and sipping some tea.

Konatsu stood there for a moment before slinking back to his room.

Lying back into his futon, brushing a lock of his long black hair away from his soft-featured, porcelain face, he wondered aloud, "A 'real man' ? What does Ukyou mean by that? What's a 'real man', anyways?"

Konatsu didn't sleep much that night.

The next morning, Konatsu stumbled out of the small shower that the upstairs apartment had room for, eyes still bleary with sleep. While he missed the large bath that the teahouse had for the rare and typically bamboozled customer, Konatsu reminded himself, the small shower was far easier to keep clean.

As he was hastily preparing himself for the day, Konatsu chided himself for not completely taming his hair, bemoaning the growing humidity of the looming summer and its tendency to frizz out his hair. He put on his favorite kimono and sighed as a small oil stain was visible on the sleeve. Konatsu noted that the obi's bow was just the tiniest bit asymmetrical as he tied it to his kimono. He felt that imbalance as though a heavy load was hanging off his right hip.

Konatsu hurried downstairs, almost tripping over his own feet in his haste. After recovering, he hastily prepared breakfast for Ukyou, his vision fuzzy and hearing muffled. Fifteen minutes later, he looked at the contents of a cooking spoon with disdain in his eyes, spying a few lumps in the miso soup.

"Darn it. I didn't mix it thoroughly enough," he castigated himself, letting out a frustrated sigh and smacking himself lightly against the temple.

Ukyou, always a heavy sleeper, shuffled downstairs and, as if signaling herself with a loud yawn, sat at the small table that made up their personal dining area. Konatsu instinctively placed a large mug of steaming tea in front of her and returned to the stove, tending to the morning's fish.

"Thanks Kona-chan. You're always so helpful," she said, rubbing her eyes.

Konatsu nodded, pulling the fish from the broiler and assembling the rice and various side dishes in their bowls and placing them, one by one, on the table.

"I hope the food is okay," Konatsu said apologetically, "I messed up the soup a bit."

"It's just fine!" Ukyou said with a giggle, grateful for the food in front of her. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You don't have to act like a doting housewife, you know."

"I..." Konatsu hesitated, "I suppose not, Ukyou-sama."

Konatsu ate his breakfast in silence. The pickles somehow tasted more tart than usual.

After a while, Ukyou caught a glance at the clock by the back door , stood up quickly, and announced, "Crap, I'm running late for school! Kona-chan, I'll be back in the afternoon. I'll leave the prep work up to you as always."

"Of course, Ukyou-sama. I'm happy to help the restaurant," Konatsu replied, bowing slightly in deference.

Ukyou turned to walk back upstairs but stopped after only making the first few steps, "Oh, Konatsu."

"Yes, Ukyou-sama?"

"Thank you. I don't know how I'd do it without you. You're a good friend," Ukyou said, smiling briefly before running upstairs.

Konatsu merely nodded, holding still until Ukyou disappeared from sight and closed the door to her room. He picked up the remains of breakfast and washed the dishes

"A housewife, huh?"

By the time Konatsu had put their personal plates to dry and wiped down the counter, Ukyou, in her gakuran with long black hair tied back and spatulas readied.

"I'll see you soon, Konatsu! Don't forget to check the inventory for Monday! If we need any extra, get the petty cash and go to the green grocer!" Ukyou exclaimed as she exited the kitchen through the back door. Konatsu smiled softly, though it felt more strained than usual.

The next several hours went by as a blur, as Konatsu prepared the restaurant for the usually busy Saturday afternoon and evening hours. Much of the work involved pre-cutting cabbage for later shredding, portioning flour into lexan containers, and making the stock needed. Around eleven, he walked towards the front of the restaurant and turned on a small TV, at one corner of the dining area, to a home drama that was playing. After setting up the table seating, Konatsu opened the restaurant, setting out the signs. Once set up, Konatsu returned inside to man the counter, though his attention was drawn towards the television and its gripping romance, despite the hamfisted overacting. He almost missed the front door slide open loudly and turned quickly, regaining his countenance.

"Um, Welcome to Ucchans! How can I- Oh, how are you today Kuno? Rather early, aren't you?"

The elder Kuno sibling replied surely, "I am precisely on time, young maiden."

"Kuno, as I've mentioned before I'm not-" Konatsu nervously replied before Kuno raised a hand, stopping him.

"I would like a simple squid and kimchi okonomiyaki, serving wench."

Konatsu sighed inwardly as he quickly bowed, "We're always honored to serve you and our family. Please wait momentarily."

There was something of an awkward silence with only the sizzling of the okonomiyaki and the soft enka music of the home drama filling the silence between employee and customer.

Konatsu cleared his throat softly, "Excuse me Kuno..." Konatsu said hesitantly, "If it doesn't offend you too greatly, may I ask a question?"

Kuno stared at his server askance for a moment before shrugging, "I don't see why not. The House of Kuno and The Blue Thunder himself does not shy away from polite requests for information from innocent women such as yourself."

Konatsu balled a fist before asking, "I was wondering... what does it mean to be a real man?"

Kuno put a hand to his chin and narrowed his eyes. "A strange question indeed. To what end is this line of inquiry aiming for?"

Konatsu served the just cooked okonomiyaki to Kuni and explained, "It's... something I've been mulling over for a while, Kuno-san. Ukyou-sama has expressed a preference for 'real men', but I am at a loss as to what it is she means by it."

Kuno nodded pensively."While I do not share in that sphere of the old ways, I respect a man whose own will is so strong, no woman could love him as he should. Though I am dismayed young Kuonji has his sights set on that foul demon, Saotome."

Konatsu eyes widened suddenly "Um, that's not..."

"Well, regardless, a real man is many things, but, fundamentally, he is gallant," Kuno lectured

"Gallant?" Konatsu asked in reply, "Do you mean bravery?"

Kuno shook his head, smiling and laughing as one would at a child's antics, "Bravery is but one aspect of gallantry." Kuno continued, gesticulating his arms, which still held his chopsticks, "but it is also about cultivating and maintaining a respect from one's peers as well as from the women one desires. Take myself for instance, I am known through the town as an honorable, proud, and brave fighter, full of strength. It is because of these things and the respect they command that I possess the affections of the fierce tigress, Akane Tendo and the beautiful pigtailed girl."

Konatsu blinked, "I... I don't quite understand."

Kuno waved a hand in dismissal, "Bah! A woman like you couldn't truly understand, not like Kuonji or myself."

"But, I-" Konatsu stopped speaking as Kuno walked away. The confused assistant scratched his head for a second, before clearing the plate left behind. He returned to the griddle and took care the slow trickle of customers when, an hour later, Ukyou entered the restaurant, sighing in relief as she returned from her day.

"Welcome back, Ukyou-sama," Konatsu cheerfully announced, viewing deeply.

Ukyou offered an easy smile, "Hey Konatsu. How are we doing?"

"Slow as of yet... Um, Ukyou-sama?" Konatsu began shuffling his feet, "I know this is sudden, but may I have some time to myself? I... need to contemplate something. I will be back before the dinner rush, on my honor."

Ukyou looked around, only noting one customer who seemed to have finished his meal a while ago and was just leafing through the newspaper.

"I don't see why not... Be careful, Konatsu," she said as she moved to man the griddle.

"I will be back soon, Ukyou-sama." Konatsu bowed quickly before shuffling out of the restaurant.

* * *

Konatsu wandered down the street from Ucchan's, deeply troubled. He thought asking Kuno would have quickly explained what he was missing, but it only further confused him.

He was so lost in thought, he ran into a certain white-robed boy. The collision knocked Konatsu from his thought and the glasses from Mousses face. Mousse's hair and robes were ruffled and scuffed grey in places. Kneeling down and flailing his arms near the ground he muttered, "My god, Saotome! Haven't you had enough yet. I'm already going home with what remains of my dignity!"

"How are you, Mousse?" Konatsu asked.

Mousse found his glasses and hastily put them on. Look up he let out an exhausted sigh,"Oh... the _other_ crossdresser..." Mousse said dryly as he adjusted his glasses, "Tell me something. What is it with Japanese people and crossdressing? I mean, hardly any Amazon does it outside of a costume party and, personally, I always thought that a patriarchal society would have less of it, not more."

Konatsu blinked and stared at Mousse blankly, "I don't understand the question."

"Of course not," Mousse sighed, putting a hand over his face.

"Um, actually," Konatsu interjected into Mousse's personal fugue, "I have a question."

"Yes?" Mousse asked.

Konatsu hemmed and hawed before he was able to get the words out. "What is a 'real man'? I asked Kuno, thinking a traditional Japanese man could explain in a way I could understand, but maybe you might understand better since you're from a different culture."

Mousse raised an eyebrow. "A 'real man'?" He put his hands inside his robes and tapped a foot as he looked away, lost in thought. Finally, he turned back to Konatsu and adjusted his glasses. "Well, this isn't what the old ghoul would say, but I believe if there is a weird that defines a real man, it's 'tenacious'. He never gives up, no matter what!"

Konatsu nodded eagerly but then stopped mid-motion, "No matter what?" he nervously asked.

Mousse gave a nod. "Even if the odds are against you. Even if you have to scrape and beg. Even if my love Shampoo beats me into an unconscious pulp, turns me into a duck, and locks me in my cage in the basement until the Nekohanten needs a dishwasher, I-er a real man should never give up!"

"That sounds kind of, almost, like harassment."

"It isn't harassment if you honestly love the person you're pursuing! You have to be tenacious to get what you want!"

Mousse turned back and yelled, "I'm coming for you Shampoo! I'll show you I'm a real ma-"

Konatsu stepped back just before the splash of water came upon Mousse, who was now struggling to escape his voluminous robes, quacking noisily. He had just poked his head out of the collar of his robes when a wooden staff stuck the back of his head and, with a feeble quack, Mousse was knocked out.

The owner of the staff, Cologne, turned back towards Konatsu. She carried an empty bucket, still dripping with water.

"Men are weak, spineless creatures, fit mostly for keeping ground under the foot of real strength." She said in a gravelly voice, "Really, Ninety-nine percent of them are fit for only female subjugation. A young lady like you should be grateful you are not of such stock."

Konatsu blushed and folded his hands in front himself. He nervously said, "Ma'am, I um... I was raised like this by my stepmother I'm actually not a girl in body... So I'm told" he added at the end.

Cologne rolled her eyes as she stuffed Mousse's clothes in the bucket, grabbed the passed out duck under one arm and hopped onto her cane. "Hmmph. Then all I can say is that your stepmother raised you well, kunoichi. You have the heart of an Amazon. Good day to you, child."

"Um, Thanks?" Konatsu said haltingly as Cologne turned and hopped away. After a moment, Konatsu stepped over the wet spot on the sidewalk and kept walking.

* * *

Lost in thought, Konatsu found himself in a part of Furinkan he hadn't seen before. He began to wonder if he had wandered all the way off to Itabashi Ward when he heard a rumble and shouting in the distance. Konatsu spotted a moving trail of dust.

"Ranma?" Konatsu muttered. He jumped up and began intercepting the trail of dust. As he got nearer, the rumble took on the distinct sounds of angry female voices shouting. As he approached the head of the chase, he spotted a familiar presence to the city. Holding a sack at least three times his size, The Grandmaster and Founder of Anything Goes Martial Arts seemed to be having the time of his, to some interminably long, life.

"Happosai" Konatsu said in a low voice.

Konatsu almost jumped down to take on the diminutive old man when Happosai suddenly jumped up to the roof and met Konatsu. Sitting on his sack, he took out a pipe and began packing tobacco, before lighting it with a small amount of ki.

"What can I do fer ya Konatsu m'boy?" he asked casually, taking the interval to draw a deep breath from the pipe.

"Ah, um..." Konatsu looked around reassessing the situation. Finally, with a small shrug, "What is a 'real man'? I've been asking people since I don't really know what it means."

Happosai nodded and let out a chuckle. "Ah, so finally showin' a little interest in the girls, eh? I always thought you were a little light in the tabi, if ya know what I mean," he noted, waving a limp wristed hand in front of him for effect.

"I don't."

Happosai nodded, taking another puff from his pipe. He blew the smoke up in the air and, finally said. "Vision! A real man has vision."

"Vision?"

"Yep. A real man must be able to see his future. A real man can see who he wants to be and, of course, be able to visualize all the sweet things in life!" With his free hand, Happosai patted the sack he was sitting on.

"Oh, like a hobby?" Konatsu asked.

Happosai let out a small laugh, "Yeah, sure. Something like that m'boy."

Happosai knocked the ashes from his pipe and put it away.

"Well, I must be off lad. I have important business to attend to." Happosai hefted the sack over his shoulder.

"Oh, Master Happosai?"

"Yes?" Happosai asked, looking back.

"I-uh... Thank you for your time. You've been rather.. uh, helpful?"

Happosai chuckled, "Oh, don't mention it, m'boy. After all, I-"

Konatsu winced sympathetically as the crowd of high school students, college co-eds, and housewives stormed into the roof of the building and began to beat on Happosai with a wide variety of improvised implements ranging from handbags, rolling pins, and shinai.

About ten minutes later, the women walked away with their personal effects, leaving Happosai bruised and battered on the rooftop. Clutching on to a mostly empty sack. Konatsu knelt down and inspected the quivering pile of gray hair and wrinkles as it twitched and whispered hoarsely.

"my lovelies..."

Konatsu sighed and jumped off the roof and kept walking.

* * *

Rubbing his forehead in hopes of forestalling a headache, Konatsu wandered further. He felt frustrated at the lack of any real progress. Anytime it seemed like someone had the answer, something would happen that would only make the him more confused.

He again lost track of where he was walking when he ended up walking past an empty lot, peppered with the sights and sounds of the end of combat. In particular, an energetic Ranma Saotome had just completed a knockout blow on Ryouga Hibiki who slunk to his knees and fell over, unconscious.

"Of course!" Konatsu thought, snapping his fingers, "Ranma's the perfect person to ask! Even in a woman's body, he's still the manliest person around. He'll know for sure what a real man is!"

"Ranma!" Konatsu called out warmly.

The pigtailed martial artist in question turned and greeted Konatsu with an exuberant smirk, his white teeth clashing with his mussed hair, muddy clothes, and face marred with dirt and bruises, which gave him the appearance of a ten year old horsing around. "Oh, hey Konatsu! Just got through beatin' the stuffing outta ol' Pork n' Beans there," he said, pointing towards an unconscious Ryouga Hibiki, before picking up his body and unceremoniously stuffing him in a garbage can.

"Is he going to be alright?" Konatsu asked, "He looks dehydrated. Among other things..." he further noted.

Ranma shrugged, "Not my fault the idiot challenged me before replacin' his electrolytes," Ranma wiped his hands clean, a smug expression on his face.

Konatsu, after a moment of worry for Ryouga passed, turned back to Ranma, "Well, actually, I have a small favor. I've been asking people around the neighborhood, but then I realized you are the most manly man I know. I wanted to know what it means to be a real man. I'd like to understand, if you can help me, Ranma."

Ranma beamed in pride at Konatsu's praise, his ego feeling particularly well-stoked. He slapped a hand on Konatsu's back and said in a hale and hearty voice, "Aw, hell 'Natsu. Bein' a guy is easy! You just gotta be tough." Ranma nodded and said, a in a wistful voice, "Yeah tough. A real man is tough, stoic, unafraid to fight for what ya stand for."

"But what about... romance? How is one a man in that respect?" Konatsu asked.

"Well..." Ranma hesitated at first, but pressed onward confidently, "It's about bein' assertive n' confident. You gotta be smooth, but like in an honest way. You gotta charm a lady, take her in your arms and make her feel like..." Ranma voice changed tenor, from a hearty boisterousness to a quiet, tremulous tone, "like she ain't alone in this world, that she has a man to hold who will protect me. You know, who'll fight with me, but also sometimes wrap his arms around me and love me deeply and make me feel like I'm protected and the only important thing in his world."

Konatsu blinked, asking hesitantly, "Um, R-ranma? I don't quite understa-"

"Huh?" Ranma shook his head rapidly, "Oh shit! I uh- I mean... I was just tryin' ta explain... A man's gotta, uh, take charge and be strong for the world. That's what bein' a man means. Ya never let them see any... weakness," Ranma replied, faltering on the last word.

Kontasu looked at Ranma, absorbing all of the information in front of him. After a few moments, his eyes widened in epiphany. "Oh, of course. I think I understand. Thank you, Ranma. You've helped me out so much." Konatsu nodded vigorously.

Ranma cracked a weak smile, "Yeah... of course 'natsu. No problem. Take care."

Konatsu practically skipped away in joy, oblivious to the pigtailed martial artist who had begun curling himself up into a crying ball.

* * *

A while later, on his way back to Ucchan's, Konatsu found himself walking past the Tendo home. He stopped at looked at the front gate of the large house. "Well," Konatsu thought, "it wouldn't hurt to get some more opinions. I wonder if Mr. Saotome is in."

Approaching the door, he knocked on the door and said, projecting a loud, but still feminine voice, "Excuse me, is anyone home?"After a brief moment passed, the door opened slowly and Kasumi Tendo, clad in a yellow house dress and apron appeared.

"Oh, Konatsu," she said, mild surprise in her voice, "How are you?

"I'm..." Konatsu tugged at the sleeves of his kimono for a moment, "I'm well enough. Thank you, Kasumi." There was a pause as Konatsu looked up at Kasumi, who was smiling blithely.

"I, uh, are Mr. Saotome and your father free? I wish to speak with them. I've been... thinking." Konatsu started nervously rubbing his right foot against the concrete he was standing on.

Kasumi nodded, "Oh, yes Konatsu, they're here. Come on in."

Konatsu bowed in gratitude as she walked in. Kasumi, looked outside to a small wooden mailbox, currently filled with letters.

"Oh, the mail came," she said to herself as she grabbed the envelopes from the mailbox and walked back inside.

The Tendo home was quiet during the late afternoon. In the main living room, Soun and Genma Saotome, respectively in their white and brown dougi, sat next to one another facing the garden and pond. Genma drank green tea from a mug while Soun smoked a cigarette. Both said little. Nearby, at a small table, Nodoka Saotome, clad in an indigo cotton kimono, was drinking tea and reading a book. When she set down the mug, she would use her free hand to either turn the page of the book or, more often, touch a long cloth-wrapped bundle that was set beside her.

"Father, Mr. Saotome. This is Konatsu, a friend of Ranma and Ukyo's. He wanted to speak to you about something."

Soun and Genma blinked for a second as they scrutinized Konatsu's appearance.

Konatsu twiddled his fingers and looked at his feet. "Um... It's a bit of a long story. I think Ranma can explain another time. I was wondering if you could tell me what being a man is all about. What does it mean to be a 'real man'?"

"Oh, before I forget, here are some letters for you and Mr. Saotome, Father," Kasumi said.

"Oh thank you Kasumi," Sound said as he took the mail from Kasumi and began looking through it. There was a sudden knocking at the door.

"Oh, I think someone else is at the door. What a busy day it is," Kasumi remarked as she walked away. The phone began to ring at the same time and, with a simple gesture Nodoka waved Kasumi off to the door and she stood, walking towards the end of the hall towards the phone.

Genma turned to Konatsu, crossed his arms over his chest, and began to instruct Konatsu, his voice affecting worldliness. "Well, um, lad. A man is defined by his integrity. A real man always keeps his word! Honor and moral rectitude is paramount to manliness!" He laughed confidently.

Soun looked up at Genma as he sorted the mail, a vein by his right temple throbbing noticeably. "Genma my friend, why are you getting so many letters from creditors?"

Kasumi reappeared in the living Room, a middle-aged man in a navy business suit and a young woman in a red and white kimono behind her. "Mr. Saotome, there's a Hirohiko Tanaka here with his daughter Junko. They said they're here to marry Ranma."

"Husband, why is there a man on the phone asking about the wedding date between his son and 'our daughter Ranko'?" Nodoka asked, slowly unsheathing the Saotome family sword with a thumb.

Genma was slowly backed onto the porch overlooking the garden as the trio approached him, narrowed eyes and downturned expressions on their faces. Genma, feebly, rubbed the back of his head as he looked at them one at a time..

"Well, you see Kasumi, my old friend, and my wife. The thing is..." he began before shouting "Saotome Secret Technique!". Genma quickly turned and leapt from the deck onto the outer wall of the Tendo property and sped off. Soun and Nodoka followed in pursuit, leaving Konatsu and Kasumi alone on the deck of the Tendo Home, the stillness of its garden quickly returning.

Konatsu pursed his lips as Genma seemed to disappear into the sunset, "Hmm. Maybe asking men themselves is the wrong approach since they're too close to the situation," he muttered to himself.

He looked toward Kasumi, who was standing next to him.

"Excuse me, Kasumi... maybe you can help. I've asked every male I've come across and I can't get an answer that makes sense. What makes someone a real man?"

Kasumi led him to the table in the living room and motioned towards a spare zabuton. Konatsu sat down, straightening any wrinkles out of his kimono. Kasumi walked away for a few minutes and returned with a pot of tea and two mugs. She poured fresh tea into the mugs and, after handing one to Konatsu, she took the mug in front of her and took a small sip. After a moment, she spoke.

"A 'real man' as you put it Konatsu isn't an ideal. He's a person. Just like a 'real woman' isn't an ideal. She's a person herself. They have faults, but everyone, men and women alike, have faults."

Konatsu nodded and furrowed his brow in deep concentration.

"Konatsu, I think there are many ways to be a 'real man'. Father, Mr. Saotome, Grandfather, Ranma, Dr. Tofu, Mousse, Tatewaki, and Ryouga are all very different people, but they are still 'real men' because they are true to who they are inside. They don't try to be someone they're not."

Konatsu had a pained look on his face. "So..." he began, "if I want to be a 'real man', I should just be myself?"

Kasumi set down her mug and nodded, "There is nothing braver than being yourself."

Konatsu finished his tea as he thought upon those words. After a bit of time he stood and bowed deeply.

"Thank you very much Kasumi. you've been most helpful," He said.

Kasumi laughed a bit, "It's no trouble at all Konatsu." She stood and walked behind Konatsu. He looked behind and was shocked when he felt his obi loosened.

"K-Kasumi?"

"Oh, I had to fix the bow. It looked it was bothering you," Kasumi explained, tying the pink and red sash into a perfectly symmetrical bow tight across Konatsu's waist. Konatsu blushed slightly

"There. Now you look like a fine young man."

"R-really?" he asked nervously, though a smile crept into his face.

"Yes I would say so," Kasumi replied, smiling.

Led by Kasumi, Konatsu said his farewells and ran back home.

* * *

It was early evening when Konatsu slid open the door to Ucchan's. The dinner rush was just getting underway, the stools in front of the griddle were just about packed and the adjoining tables were beginning to fill up with awaiting customers.

"Just in time Konatsu. I'm almost in the weeds here!" Ukyou said, wiping the sweat from her brow with a sleeve as she flipped several okonomiyaki at once with her other hand.

"Konatsu walked behind the grill and stood next to Ukyou and said, "Excuse me Ukyou-sama. I have something I need to say first."

"Can it wait, Konatsu?"

Konatsu slowly shook his head. "I don't think so," he said in a voice soft enough that, compared to the hissing griddle, was only really audible to Ukyou.

"Kona-chan?" Ukyou asked, somewhat confused.

"Um, Ukyou-sama," he began, his face growing warm, "I don't know if I'm saying this correctly, but I've been thinking a lot since last night and... I know I'm not like other people around town, but... I hope one day you can see me as a real man."

Ukyou blinked. "What did you say?"

Konatsu looked at Ukyou tenderly, biting his lip for a moment. "I want to be a real man for you, like you want. I don't quite know how to do that, but I'm going to start by being myself and maybe, one day, I will be that person."

Ukyou's cheeks reddened slightly as she stared at the heartfelt expression on Konatsu's face for a long time, scrutinizing his features. Suddenly she blinked again and, like any good Osakan, she let out a loud boisterous laugh which echoed through the restaurant.

"Konatsu, you dummy! I was swooning over the lead actor of this drama I'm watching. Gorou Inagaki is _really_ hot, but, I mean..." Ukyou she served up freshly cooked okonomiyaki onto a plate before she continued, "people who say they're 'real men' or 'manly' all the time in real life are usually either huge jerks or have issues. What's important is that you're a good person, you know? It's what I care about in the end."

Konatsu smiled faintly, "I think so. It's just like Kasumi said. If I do my best then, by definition, I can be a real man as well!"

There seemed to be a pause as the patrons sitting at the grill looked at Konatsu with narrowed eyes.

Ukyou laughed nervously before saying, "Um... yeah, Kona-chan, sure."

She waved a spatula in the air. "Besides," she said, "Ranchan is plenty manly for me, even when he had to borrow a pad from me the other day when-" Ukyou stopped mid-sentence as she noted what appeared to be every customer's head turned towards her, eager looks on their faces.

"Shit... I wasn't supposed to tell anyone that!" she whispered to Konatsu.

Konatsu blinked, then widened his eyes, "I won't tell anyone, Ukyou-sama," he whispered back.

Ukyou looked around the restaurant and struggled to fill the awkward space up time when the door suddenly slid open.

"Ah, a customer! Go take care of it Kona-chan!" Ukyou said as she ran to the back kitchen.

"Yes, Ukyou-sama," Konatsu smiled and turned, saying in a warm voice, "Welcome to Ucchan's!"

Ranma walked in, all smiles. He quickly sat at an empty stool. "Heya 'natsu! Hey Ucchan, gimme two beef okonomiyaki, extra meat. Been kinda run down last couple of days. Doc said I needed some more iron in my diet."

Konatsu stifled a cough, making an unpleasant sounding choking sound as Ukyou nervously nodded and began mixing the batter.

"Hey, uh" Ranma asked Konatsu as an aside, "Why's everyone lookin at me funny?"

The End

* * *

Notes

Something is out of the docket anyway. I was using this story as a means of getting to understand Konatsu as a character for _Prodigal Daughter_, though this is a separate story to that series.

#3: (Title Unknown) as of yet is 2/3 of the way done.

#4: The Pursuit of Higher Education and #5: Rule of Funny (titles subject to change) are in their planning stages.

Now, back to work.

〜裏には裏がある


End file.
